Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
