I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
