Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
