I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
