you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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