i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
