Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
