I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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