mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
