Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
