we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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