One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
