she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
