Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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