Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Couch. On fire.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
