hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
