Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
