addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
