new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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