My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
