youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
