I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
