If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
