We're like a lot better than the average bears
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
