i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
be right there i have to get my cape
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
