Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
