I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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