he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
