im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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