do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
