no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
