I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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