My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
