its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
