I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
