so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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