this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
