A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
