I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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