If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's like iHOP with fire
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
