so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
