I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
