I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
