i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
