do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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