I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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