Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
