Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
