Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
