The maid of honor just puked.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
