why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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