I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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